Funny Business
Hey everybody,
It's been a while since I've posted something so I thought I would post some jokes about hockey's perennial losers: The Toronto Maple Leafs. It seems funny to me that a team which provides so much comedy in the way it fails time and time again would need jokes to be made up about it.
No, I did not write the majority of these jokes, so don't send me any angry emails saying that I stole your joke. These are ones that I have read or have been told, and a couple that I wrote my self.
Also a little factoid about Pat Quinn I forgot to mention last time: The Leafs' road to failure started with Pat Quinn and will continue with him. His first year as a player was in 1967-1968 and it was with the Leafs. Funny that as soon as he joined the team they started on what looks like it will be at least a 4 decade record of losing.
If you have any good jokes send them to me: timmons@ihatetheleafs.com and if they are good enough I will post them in my next article.
A leaf fan from Toronto dies and goes to hell (big surprise). Upon arriving he is greeted by the devil and is shown around hell. The man seems to be enjoying the heat and the Devil is puzzled. I'm from Canada (Unfortunately true, however Toronto is the most non-Canadian city in the country) says the man, this heat is great! So the devil cranks up the heat and asks the man again. The man still likes the heat. The devil cranks up the heat again and he asks the man yet again. Realizing that the man loves the heat the devil decides its time for a change. He turns off the heat and turns on a cold that is colder than a windy night in Nunavut and again goes to see the man. The devil arrives to see the man jumping up and down. "To cold for you now?" The devil asks. "What?" Replies the man, "I didn't even notice the weather. The leaf just won the cup."
March 11, 2004. Press Release from the Toronto Maple Leafs: Ed Belfour and the Toronto Maple Leafs have landed a new sponsorship deal. The bottle on the goal no longer says Powerade, but reflects the team's new sponsor: Geritol.
Q: Why do leaf players take three showers on
game day?
A: Because they stink before, during and after the game.
A Sens fan, a Habs fan and a laffs fan are walking together down the street. They notice a leg sticking out of a bush on the side of the road. On further inspection it turns out to be a murdered naked woman. The Sens fan removes his hat, puts it over her left breast and calls the RCMP on his cell phone. The Habs fan also removes his cap and puts it on her right breast. The leafs fan, not wanting to look like a jackass, takes off his hat as well and puts it over her crotch. The RCMP officer arrives, questions the men and then proceeds to examine the body. He lifts up the Sens cap, puts it back and writes some notes in his note book. He lifts up the Habs cap, puts it back and writes some notes in his note book. He then lifted up the leafs cap. He put it back, shook his head, picked it up again, put it back, picked it up again, put it back and had a baffled look on his face. The Sens fan then said, "Hey! What's going on here? Are you some type of pervert or something?" "No." answers the cop, "It's just that usually when I look under a leafs hat I find an asshole."
Denny's Joke
Pat Quinn recently announced that with the addition of Ron Francis to the roster there will be a doctrinal shift in the way that maple leaf practices are run. The primary change is that now the practices are run at 8 am so the team can catch the senior's breakfast deal at Denny's.
Q: What's the difference between Montreal and
Toronto?
A: Montreal has a colour photograph of the last time they won the cup.
Tie Domi earns money to play hockey.
Two boys from Buffalo, NY are playing street hockey when one of the boys is
attacked by a rabid pitbull. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his hockey
stick, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A
Buffalo newspaper reporter hears about the incident and rushes over to interview
the boy. "Young Sabres Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing
in his notebook. "But I'm not a Buffalo Sabres fan," the young hero replies.
"Sorry," replied the reporter, "since we're in Buffalo, I just assumed you
were." "Rangers Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack," the reporter continues
in his notebook. "But I'm not a New York Rangers fan, either," the boy responds.
"I just thought everyone in Buffalo was either a Sabres or a Rangers fan,"
replied the reporter, "Whom do you root for?" "I'm a Toronto Maple Leaf fan,"
the boy answers proudly. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and
writes, "Little Torontonian Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet."
That's my Two Minutes
Timmons
Email: timmons@ihatetheleafs.com
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