Let’s Pick A Stupid leaf Fantasy Hockey Team
Here’s how it works: Draft 18 leaf players or squandered draft picks who are playing in the NHL right now and who once belonged to or played for the stupid leaf. The idea is to form a better team than the leaf has now with players or draft choices that have gone on to better and happier careers out of Laffland. You have to pick:
3 - Centers (C)
6 - Defensemen (D)
3 - Left Wings (LW)
3 - Right Wings (RW)
3 - Goalies (G)
The team you create does not actually play against any other teams. There is no Stupid Leaf Fantasy Hockey League. That’s because no other team in the NHL is stupid enough to have all their best players currently playing for other teams. So if you’re a leaf fan, what you do is sit in isolation, play with yourself and cry while you fantasize as to what could have been the current leaf roster had there been any degree of competence in your leaf management.
I don’t think you are going to believe what you are about to see. This exercise is going to make the leaf look so stupid. If you are a leaf fan, hopefully you will be properly embarrassed. Otherwise, I’ll have to conclude you have about as much passion for the game of hockey as a decomposing maple tree stump.
All Statistics are as of Saturday, November 22, 2003. Watch this; here are my picks:
The Defense is the easiest so we’ll start here: My first pick is Scott Niedermayer. This three time Stanley Cup winner has been an All-Star and a cornerstone of the New Jersey blueline since 1991. He was New Jersey’s first pick, 3rd overall in 1991, a draft pick the Devils picked up in a trade with the stupid leaf for Tom Kurvers. Remember him? Kurvers did not even play one complete season with the leaf. Stupid leaf.
My 2nd pick on defense is Jason Smith. Through draft picks and trades, the leaf essentially ended up with Ric Jackman for present Oiler captain, Jason Smith. What were they thinking? Right now Jason Smith is the NHL’s 5th best d-man at a solid plus-9 and has 8 points as an Oiler. Jackman is amongst the league’s worst with a plus/minus rating of minus-9. Who would you rather have? No-brainer, right?
Hey, remember Larry Murphy? He’s the only NHLer to play on four Stanley Cup winning teams in the 1990’s. The leaf did him a big favor and traded him to Detroit at the trade deadline in 1997 for future considerations. Lucky bastard. He won the Cup with the Red Wings in 1997 and again in 1998 when he played every single game of the season and playoffs. I can’t pick Larry because he’s retired, but instead….
My 3rd fantasy pick is another ex-leaf defenseman, Mathieu Schneider. Schneider was traded off the leaf for nobody they still have. So far this season he has12 points, more than any leaf right now except Sundin and Mogilny. His plus/minus of plus-7 would be tops on the leaf, if he was a leaf. But like Larry Murphy, Schneider is enjoying a far happier hockey life in Detroit. Stupid leaf.
Next pick – Drake Berehowsky. The leaf gave up on Drake a long time ago. He was the leaf’s first round draft choice in 1990, 10th overall. This guy already has 7 points on the bottom-feeding Pittsburgh Penguins. The most he ever had as a leaf in a season was 10. He’s arguably the best d-man the Penguins have right now. I’d take him over Bryan Marchment any day. Marchment has yet to record a point this leaf season and sits at a pathetic minus-7.
I’ll round off the defense of my ex-leaf fantasy team with Glen Wesley and Danny Markov, both better in their own end than anything the leaf can put out on the ice.
What do you think so far? Imagine the leaf blueline right now if they had kept the above-mentioned six players? Does the stupid leaf care? Never. As long as the seats are full at the circus, who cares what’s on the ice.
Here are my nine ex-leaf fantasy picks at forward positions:
1) Steve Sullivan – (RW) With 12 points so far this season, Sullivan would be tied for 2nd on the leaf right now. But get this; Sullivan was picked up from the leaf on waivers! In his 5th season with the Hawks, he has more than 100 goals. With the leaf, he only had 35. Here’s a stupid question. Who would you rather have at right wing, Sullivan or Mikael Renberg?
2) Mike Johnson – (RW) Johnson played a complete 82 game season last year and recorded 63 points, way more than he scored in any of his seasons as a leaf. He has 10 points in 11 games so far this year, a better point per game ratio than any leaf.
3) Scott Thornton – (LW) Toronto’s 1st choice, 3rd overall in 1989, Thornton scored 1 goal as a leaf. He now has 113 and counting. Stupid leaf.
4) Alyn McCauley –(C) We haven’t seen the end of this one yet. McCauley has 7 goals so far, Owen Nolan has 3. Brad Boyes is developing well in the Sharks’ farm system. Hey, does the leaf have a farm system? Bad trade, leaf. You’ll see, AGAIN!
5) Yanic Perreault –(C) In his third year as a Canadien, Yanic is still one of the best face-off men in the NHL. 56 goals so far and counting for the Habs. “Thank-you, leaf, for not re-signing Perreault,” say the Habs.
6) Vincent Damphousse –(C) Now in his 18th season, Vinny, a former 1st round leaf draft choice, 6th overall in 1986, has been a pretty dependable centerman. He has 1176 career points, 12 so far this year. Joe Nieuwendyk broke in the same year as Damphousse, 1986-87. Joe has 1018 career points. He won’t catch Vinny.
7) Fredrik Modin – (LW) Modin was traded to Tampa Bay in 1999 for Cory Cross and is doing quite well, thank-you. ( 185 points in 4 Lightning seasons) Cory Cross is long gone from the leaf. Modin is off to his best start ever with 10 points in 15 games and will probably have a career year, but not as a stupid leaf.
8) Dave Andreychuk – (LW) Now approaching the end of his career, Andreychuk is the NHL’s all-time leader in power play goals. He was traded away by the leaf for a draft choice that turned out to be the great Marek Posmyk who never played a damn game for the leaf. Andreychuk has scored 146 times since departing the leaf.
9) Steve Thomas – (RW) Why was “Stumpy ever traded away from the leaf in the first place? Oh yeah, he was involved in one of the leafs’ all-time stupidest trades. Thomas/Vaive/McGill to Chicago for Olczyk/Secord. He could have been… ah never mind. Just like every other ex-leaf, he’s had a much better career elsewhere. That’s just the way it always is. Thomas already has a couple of goals this season for Detroit in only five games. He’s lucky to be a Red Wing now and not a stupid leaf. He has a legitimate chance at the Cup to close out his career.
So what do you think? I believe I’m pretty solid at forward and defense, don’t you. Hey, how did all this current talent escape Laffland? What’s going on with that franchise?
I still have to pick three goalies the leaf could be dressing right now. How about these:
1) Roberto Luongo. To get Wendy Clark back from the Islanders, the leaf had to give up a lot, including their 1st round draft choice in 1997. It turned out to be Luongo. Today, Luongo’s save percentage with Florida is .924. Eddie Belfour’s is only an unacceptable .891. Luongo is only 24 years old with a bright future. And Clark? It wasn’t worth it, was it? By the way, the leaf also gave up defensive stalwart, Kenny Jonsson in that trade. He could easily have been another pick on defense for my ex-leaf fantasy team. Oh well.
2) Corey Schwab. When Curtis Joseph went down with an injury in 2002, Schwab came in and did the job. As a reward, the leaf simply forgot about him. So he signed on with New Jersey and won the Cup. Another lucky bastard who got the hell out of Laffland.
3) I’ll let you pick the third goalie for my Stupid leaf Fantasy Team. Pick Cujo or Felix Potvin , it doesn’t matter, they both have a better save percentage than Belfour right now. I can’t concentrate anymore, I’m laughing so hard – again – at the stupid leaf. Thanks for playing. Ha ha ha….
I hate the leaf
Blow leaf blow
Leafhatred.
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