36 Years Of Hatred And Disrespect
As leaf fans look back at the last 36 years of futility and ineptitude, they have either chosen to deny what transpired in 1967 or have come to accept it with reluctance.
You see, even though the leaf did win the Stanley Cup in 1967, they weren’t supposed to. It was all a huge mistake. It was the final season for the “Original Six” in the NHL. The leaf interrupted the Canadiens’ second drive for five Cups in a row in their glorious history. The leaf won, but have paid endlessly and dearly for their indiscretion.
In the 1966-67 regular season, the leaf finished in 3rd place, a distant 19 points behind the Chicago Black Hawks and 2 points behind Montreal. They did not have a player in the top ten in scoring. The top leaf scorer, Dave Keon finished a full 45 points behind the Art Ross Trophy winner Stan Mikita. Bobby Hull scored 52 goals for the Hawks, Keon had 19. The leaf was by far an inferior team, at least offensively. Hockey historians have long concluded that the Cup belonged in either Chicago or Montreal in 1967.
For a variety of irreconcilable reasons, the leaf Cup victory of ’67 ended up being a horrific injustice that angered everyone in hockey except the pompous and soon-to-be cursed leaf fans. It was an unforgivable upset, a tragedy, and the league took action to ensure it never occurred again.
Since 1967 no leaf team has even come close to the Stanley Cup Finals. That’s because soon after that devastating calamity in 1967, a cartel was formed among all other NHL teams, vowing to prevent any further leaf success indefinitely and ideally, forever. As part of the plan, the NHL immediately expanded to12 teams, knowing full well, no leaf team could win if the competition was extended to a field of more than six teams in the league.
As a guiding light, the cartel used a modified version of the immortal words emblazoned on the wall of the Montreal Canadiens’ dressing room, a line borrowed from the famous poem, “In Flanders Fields.”
The poem’s original version was: “To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high.” The anti-leaf cartel, inspired by their desire to exert eternal misery upon the stupid leaf and its fans, came out with its own creed - To you from failing hands we throw the club, be it yours to clobber the leaf”.
So let’s take a look at what happened in NHL playoff history since the unexpected and nauseating disturbance of 1967.
In 1968, the leaf did not make the playoffs. Hockey enthusiasts were delighted the anti- leaf cartel had begun to live up to its sworn word to never let the leaf ever come close to Stanley Cup victory again.
In 1969, the Boston Bruins were the first to make use of the club, that vicious, intangible but ever-effective weapon designated to lay a beating upon the stupid leaf in every playoff year hereafter in which the leaf made it to post season play. In the opening round best of seven quarter-finals, the Boston Bruins swept the leaf in four straight games. The score in the first game was 10-0. The second game score was 7-0. The series was a massacre. The entire civilized hockey world felt enormously proud of the Bruins for following through on the NHL’s vow of revenge on behalf of all other teams.
In 1969-70, the leaf finished last in
their division in the regular 
season
and out of playoff contention again.
In 1971, the leaf met the Rangers in the first round of the playoffs and during the series, a brawl broke out at Madison Square Garden in which Ranger Vic Hadfield ripped off the mask of leaf goalie, Bernie Parent and flung it into the crowd. He never got it back. Backup leaf goalie, Jacques Plante had to take over in net. The leaf lost the series in six games and the New York Rangers had done their part towards inflicting irreparable damage to any remaining leaf dignity.
In 1972, the Bruins once again mutilated the leaf 4 games to 1 in their best of seven series in the opening round of the Quarter-Finals. (By the way, if you doubt the absolute integrity of any of these stats, look them up yourself. I am not making this stuff up.)
By 1973, the leaf was just beginning to feel the agony of getting their heads kicked in year after year and their equipment stolen by the hockey fans in the crowd. They missed the playoffs again. In 1974, it was the Boston Bruins turn anew to hammer the leaf four games to none in the opening round.
Having clobbered the stupid leaf repetitively three times in six years and having won 12 out of 13 playoff games played, the Bruins felt it was time to throw the club to the Philadelphia Flyers. For the next three years in a row between 1975 and 1977 the Flyers put a serious licking on the leaf and knocked them out of the playoffs early each time.
In 1978, for the first time in over ten years, the leaf won a best of seven playoff series. They defeated an up and coming New York Islander team in overtime in the 7th game of the Quarter-Finals. Every damn week since then, and on every single channel on TV in Laffland, leaf fans have watched the replay of Lanny McDonald’s historic 1978 overtime goal. It’s the only leaf goal of any significance in the entire 1970’s and 1980’s and it is still celebrated as such by ignorant loser leafers who look for something, anything to get excited about. No matter though, the club had been thrown to the Montreal Canadiens who went into the next round to kick the leaf out in four straight games. For good measure, the Habs did it again in four straight to the leaf in 1979.
So much for the stupid leaf in the 1970’s.
Then came the 1980’s, by far the most disastrous in leaf history. (And you thought the 70’s looked bad.)
The leaf started the decade by losing one of those dinky and long forgotten best-of-five preliminary rounds to the Minnesota North Stars three games to none. The Stars had willingly and gladly accepted the club.
For the entire 1980’s decade, the leaf never came close to having a winning regular season but because 16 out of 21 teams made the playoffs each year, the leaf managed to squeak into the playoffs in 6 out of 10 years. Imagine, in 1987-88, the leaf had a regular season record of W-21, L-49, and T-10 and still qualified for the post season. This kind of leaf nonsense once again angered the anti-leaf cartel and they vowed that as the NHL continued to expand with the addition of new teams in 1990’s, no more than 16 teams would ever be permitted to make the playoffs.
In 1990, as they had in 1986, and then repeated in 1996, the St Louis Blues were the ones to accept the club and kick leaf butt out of the playoffs. For the years 1991 and ’92, the leaf decided to reminisce over their fond memories of the 80’s and stayed the hell out of the playoffs altogether again.
On to1993. Oh my God! Will we ever hear the end of it? The biggest, meanest and dirtiest player of all time, Wayne Gretzky clipped Doug Gilmour with his stick and no penalty was called. We’ve been hearing about the anti-leaf conspiracy ever since. One measly missed call in the Conference Finals led to another Cupless year in Loafland. Oh boy! No leafer ever seems to mention the uncalled head butt by Gilmour on Marty McSorley in Game 6 of that series but it doesn’t matter. The better team won and the L.A. Kings went on to the Stanley Cup Finals for the first time in their history. Too bad, stupid leaf – losers AGAIN to yet another different team!
The next year, 1994, the Vancouver Canucks went to the Finals, knocking out the leaf in five simple games, recording two successive shutouts of the stupid leaf along the way. In 1995, the Blackhawks used the club to knock the leaf out in the first round.
1997 and 1998 were years of rest and reflection for the leaf. “How could everybody hate us so much?” they begged to know. They skipped playoff participation again for these two consecutive years.
Starting in 1999, the stupid leaf began finding teasingly new and innovative ways to lose. The Buffalo Sabres ousted them four games to one and merrily went on to where no leaf team has been allowed in 36 years, the Finals.
Bring on the dawn of the new millennium,
2000. 
This
was the year in leaf playoff history that will live on in infamy. Facing
elimination in Game 6 of the Conference Semi-Finals, the big ugly leaf fired a
pitiable, record low total of six, (yes that is correct) six shots at Martin
Brodeur who easily soaked up the shutout and kicked the leaf out of further
playoff action again that year. How devastating for the stupid leaf! What were
these bozos doing in the playoffs at all in the first place?
In 2001, New Jersey did it to the leaf again. They too had gladly inherited the club. The leaf has yet to ever beat the Devils in Stanley Cup playoff action.
Everyone in the world thought the leaf could have and should have beaten the Carolina Hurricanes in 2002, but nope. The leaf scored a measly six goals in six games before Martin Gelinas scored a beauty in overtime to put the leaf out of its misery and onto the golf course for another year.
Finally, in 2003, it was the Flyers turn again to crumple the leaf when it counted. A 6-1 trouncing was the final score in the leaf’s last game of the year last season. Who wouldn’t just give up and go home after so much hatred and adversity for so many consecutive years?
So whose turn will it be this year and in years to come to spank the leaf? We know for sure that the cartel of players, owners, referees and leaf-haters will always be there to put a hex and then a one-sided beating on the most despised franchise in the history of organized sport, the stupid leaf.
Do you think leaf haters will ever forgive and forget 1967? No way – the Toronto team in the NHL that won the Cup in 1922 wasn’t even called the leaf and we still haven’t even forgiven them.
So you want to be a leaf fan, eh? Good luck, loser. Enjoy the truth about the team’s history. I hope somebody; some day whacks you with the club.
I hate the leaf
Blow leaf blow
Leafhatred.
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