Have you ever been talking with a Leafs fan but you just can't seem to understand exactly what it is they're trying to say? Don't worry, you're not alone. They have their very own language which only the most severely misguided and intelligence deprived can understand. The language is called 'Leafaneese'. In order to help you, Office Glen's "I Hate The Leafs Page" proudly presents (with translation by a reformed Leafs fan)...
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| LEAFANEESE | ENGLISH |
| "We're short handed." | "Domi is on the ice." |
| "We need a goal." | "We lost." |
| "There's still hope." | "Remember 1967? Yeah, me either." |
| "Let's sign an unrestricted free agent." | "Who is the oldest available player?" |
| "What a save!" | "I didn't think he could stop a puck after all those beers." |
| "It's almost the trading deadline." | "Is Doug Gilmour available?" |
| "We have a power play." | "Domi just came off." |
| "We have the greatest fans." | "Let's raise ticket prices." |
| "It's playoff time." | "What hole is Sundin on?" |
| "We need a new coach in St. John's." | "Is Graham James allowed to coach in Canada yet?" |
| "The Leafs scored a beautiful goal." | "It deflected off someone's skate into the net." |
| "Leafs don't want to overpay for a player." | "Ontario
Teachers Pension Board mandates a minimum profitability level." |
| "The refs are against us." | "The refs know we dive." |
| "Determination." | "It took a lot of practice for Sundin to get that hole in one." |
| "Belfour has a shut out." | "What time does the game start?" |
| "We have to win." | "Send Tucker after their best players knees." |
| "We can win the Cup." | "Better polish your golf clubs." |
| "We're looking forward to the draft." | "We need more prospects to trade at the deadline for aging has-beens." |
| "We need to play with more passion and grit." | "We can't win unless we cheap shot everybody." |
| "We can win the Cup." | "The CALDER Cup." |
| "When do we get to play Vancouver again?" | "When should I book the hospital beds?" |
| "We're definitely going to win tonight." | "Domi is out and the refs are bribed." |
| "We still have a chance of winning." | "The drunk goalie hasn't shown up." |
| "Great shot by Tucker!" | "Tucker almost hit the net that time!" |
| "The Leafs have been predicted to win the Cup." | "The Leafs have been making calls to the fraudulent Miss Cleo." |
| "Holy Mackinow!" | "Great goal scored by the opposition!" |
| "This team is built for the playoffs." | "Make fans believe we are trying to win a Cup; and that will be good enough." |
| "We have a tough game tonight." | "We are facing a crappy team tonight." |
| "The Leafs dominated tonight!" | "The opposition stunk tonight and made the Leafs look good." |
| "Tucker and Domi are out of the lineup." | "We have a chance to win tonight" |
| "I'll be at the game." | "I'll be watching the game on CBC." |
| "Santa Claus is coming to town!" | "Pat Quinn will be dressed as Santa on Christmas Eve." |
| "The refs gave the Leafs too many unfair penalties." | "We stunk tonight." |
| "Wooo Hoooo!!!! We won the Cup!!!" | "I'm watching game six of the 1967 Stanley Cup Finals." |
| "Belfour is not as bad as you saw tonight." | "Belfour was drunk." |
| "The Leafs ripped the net today." | "The Leafs just finished their practice session." |
| "These guys play with a lot of heart." | "We never really get any better, but somehow we fluke into a win from time to time." |
| "Hnidy I think, hit his chin or nose on Perrot's stick." | "Hnidy got highsticked by Nathan Perrot." |
| "We'll be playing for real in June!" | "Loser buys first found at the 19th hole." |
| "Belfour has no chance to make that save." | "Eddie passed out." |
| "TSN hates us." | "TSN showed one of the other 5 Canadian teams for a change." |
| "The NHL is against us." | "Somebody else won the cup again." |
| "Cujo sucks!" | "Cujo used to play here." |
| "I don't know how Belfour made that save!" | "Off the post!" |
| "Who do you think we'll go after in the off season?" | "What's Wendel Clark up to?" |
| "Somehow that puck snuck past Belfour." | "Alfredsson beat him like a red headed step child." |
| "Domi and Brashear fight to a draw." | "Domi got his ass kicked" |
| "Beautiful save Belfour!' | "The puck missed the net!" |
| "Toronto scored 50 goals!" | "Toronto just finished practice." |
| "Good trade." | "We got John Kordic for Russ Courtnall." |
| "The Leafs can't seem to open the penalty box door." | "Get Domi out there and use his head as a battering ram." |
| "All you Canadiens fans have is your 23 Stanley Cups." | "We're not worthy!!" |
| "Both CBC and ESPN are ignoring Saturday's Boston/Ottawa game with first place overall at stake!" | "Both CBC and ESPN are televising the lowly Leafs hosting equally lowly Columbus!" |
| "The Toronto Maple Leafs, 2005 Stanley Cup Champions!" | "The 2004/2005 NHL season was cancelled due to a labor dispute." |
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